"Hey buddy, 5 minute warning!" Says - who I assume is - one of the producer's many assistants, while running to do something else.
"Okay. Thanks." I respond with a nervous smile. I decide to recap in my mind what has happened to get me here today.
It all started with me helping clean out my Grandparent's attic. It was one of those spring days where you can't help but say "It's so beautiful today" and you feel like whatever you do that day must be outside, if that makes sense. Moving back to that day, I was listing off things I saw in the attic to my Grams, and she told me what was garbage, what went to donations, and what to keep. So, after being at it for a couple of hours there was only one corner left. A couple of boxes, a bin and a stack of books. After looking through the boxes, I moved over to the books. Looking through them, I saw some scrapbooks, some regular novels, and a book that had some weird symbols on it.
I handed the scrapbooks to Grams and asked her what this weird looking book was.
"Ha! I remember this. Your Gramps gave it to me as a gag-gift. He said he found it at a yard sale with the seller claiming it was a spell book. I could never make it work. Take it if you want!"
Later that night I was just watching TV when I remembered about the book. I opened it up and I got this weird rushing feeling as I stared at the blank pages. The last thing I remembered that evening was falling onto my couch passing out.
The next day, I woke with a sore neck only to realize how late I woke up. I started rushing around to get ready for work, and forgot about the book until that night. I was bored, so I started looking through it. Last night there was nothing on the pages, but today, it had all sorts of stuff, which I presumed were spells.. I started looking through them and decided to try enchanting my vacuum to run by itself.
It worked.
I tried enchanting my dishes to put themselves away.
It worked.
I enchanted my iPhone to do even more amazing things.
It worked, and that's how I got here today.
Back to the present, I am being interviewed by Fox News and CNN today, and then ABC News tomorrow.
"Jack, you ready? You are live after the break." Says a face that I do not have a name for.
"Yeah. I am ready." I say with confidence that I didn't know I had.
"Alrighty then. Follow me." She says.
We walk along behind the cameras to get to the set, where I see my interviewer. Neil Cavuto. I take a seat, shake hands with him, and he confirms that my name is Jack Bristow.
"Hey, before we start, are you a wizard?" He asks me.
"Ha! No. Well, kind of. We shall discuss that when the camera is rolling."
He nods and then goes through his papers which I presume are questions. While he does his thing, I check Twitter quickly. I'm pretty sure checking Twitter is my nervous tick. Pretty soon one of the camera guys reminds me to make sure that the sounds and notifications are turned off on my phone. I nod and mutter a quick spell. This catches Neil's attention and he just stares at me in awe. I shrug it off as the camera guy says something to catch our attention and starts a countdown.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
"Does anyone at home remember the days when a cellphone was the size of a brick, and could only make calls? How the times have changed. Now with us is Jack Bristow who has taken a regular iPhone 5S and literally made it magical. Thanks for joining us today Jack."
"It's an honor to be here."
"So, lets start with you telling us how and when you made your magical iPhone. And this is NOT sponsored by Apple."
"So this all started when I was cleaning my Grandparent's attic, and I found - what I soon figured out was - an actual spell book. I took it home, opened it up, and, I guess it downloaded a wealth of knowledge into my head. And before I show you the iPhone, I want to state that this isn't some combination of illusions, and code. I still don't understand how the spells work, but they just do."
"Alright. Why don't you show us your iPhone."
"Ta-da!"
With a look of disappointment, he says; "That's it? That looks exactly as an iPhone 5S should."
"Exactly. That's what I wanted. However, it has the power of a Mac Pro, and is as strong as Graphene."
"Okay, that sounds impressive. So, what apps come standard on a magical iPhone like this?"
"Well, I haven't had the time to curate my own suite of apps, so I settled with only modifying the regular ones on the App Store to run with the speed of the Mac Pro - for now."
"Nifty. So, I propose a speed test. Me and my brand new iPhone 6S Plus, versus you and your modded iPhone 5S. Do you accept?"
"I accept your throw-down."
"I figured you would. Okay, so we are using Geekbench 3, correct?"
"That is correct"
"Alright, so if you want to duel him too, you can try to beat his numbers at home. So, you advised me to close all apps first?"
"Yes. that way your ram can flex it's muscles."
"Okay, on 3."
"1..."
"2..."
"3..."
"Oh, I like how it tells you what it's doing." He says with an amused look.
"Almost done. There. 32,156 for multi-core score, and 3600 for single-core score."
"But. I'm only half done! How can thi- So, your iPhone really is magical."
"Haha, yeah I wasn't lying."
"So what else can it do?"
"Well, I enchanted it so that the storage won't be an issue for a while. I made the camera a lot better. And I got rid of my cellphone contract."
"Sounds nifty. Now, your plans are to only make these for yourself?"
"That's correct. I don't want to release it to the world, and then put the entire world under some sort of dark-evil-magic spell."
"Yeah, since you don't exactly know how it works, that would probably be for the better."
"Probably."
"And you probably don't want Apple to try to figure out a way to sue you, right?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that's all for today. Have a good day, people of the world. And good luck improving your phone even more, Jack!"
I shake hands with him, and thank him for having me on.
I drive to the next studio with a smile on my face.
I handed the scrapbooks to Grams and asked her what this weird looking book was.
"Ha! I remember this. Your Gramps gave it to me as a gag-gift. He said he found it at a yard sale with the seller claiming it was a spell book. I could never make it work. Take it if you want!"
Later that night I was just watching TV when I remembered about the book. I opened it up and I got this weird rushing feeling as I stared at the blank pages. The last thing I remembered that evening was falling onto my couch passing out.
The next day, I woke with a sore neck only to realize how late I woke up. I started rushing around to get ready for work, and forgot about the book until that night. I was bored, so I started looking through it. Last night there was nothing on the pages, but today, it had all sorts of stuff, which I presumed were spells.. I started looking through them and decided to try enchanting my vacuum to run by itself.
It worked.
I tried enchanting my dishes to put themselves away.
It worked.
I enchanted my iPhone to do even more amazing things.
It worked, and that's how I got here today.
Back to the present, I am being interviewed by Fox News and CNN today, and then ABC News tomorrow.
"Jack, you ready? You are live after the break." Says a face that I do not have a name for.
"Yeah. I am ready." I say with confidence that I didn't know I had.
"Alrighty then. Follow me." She says.
We walk along behind the cameras to get to the set, where I see my interviewer. Neil Cavuto. I take a seat, shake hands with him, and he confirms that my name is Jack Bristow.
"Hey, before we start, are you a wizard?" He asks me.
"Ha! No. Well, kind of. We shall discuss that when the camera is rolling."
He nods and then goes through his papers which I presume are questions. While he does his thing, I check Twitter quickly. I'm pretty sure checking Twitter is my nervous tick. Pretty soon one of the camera guys reminds me to make sure that the sounds and notifications are turned off on my phone. I nod and mutter a quick spell. This catches Neil's attention and he just stares at me in awe. I shrug it off as the camera guy says something to catch our attention and starts a countdown.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
"Does anyone at home remember the days when a cellphone was the size of a brick, and could only make calls? How the times have changed. Now with us is Jack Bristow who has taken a regular iPhone 5S and literally made it magical. Thanks for joining us today Jack."
"It's an honor to be here."
"So, lets start with you telling us how and when you made your magical iPhone. And this is NOT sponsored by Apple."
"So this all started when I was cleaning my Grandparent's attic, and I found - what I soon figured out was - an actual spell book. I took it home, opened it up, and, I guess it downloaded a wealth of knowledge into my head. And before I show you the iPhone, I want to state that this isn't some combination of illusions, and code. I still don't understand how the spells work, but they just do."
"Alright. Why don't you show us your iPhone."
"Ta-da!"
With a look of disappointment, he says; "That's it? That looks exactly as an iPhone 5S should."
"Exactly. That's what I wanted. However, it has the power of a Mac Pro, and is as strong as Graphene."
"Okay, that sounds impressive. So, what apps come standard on a magical iPhone like this?"
"Well, I haven't had the time to curate my own suite of apps, so I settled with only modifying the regular ones on the App Store to run with the speed of the Mac Pro - for now."
"Nifty. So, I propose a speed test. Me and my brand new iPhone 6S Plus, versus you and your modded iPhone 5S. Do you accept?"
"I accept your throw-down."
"I figured you would. Okay, so we are using Geekbench 3, correct?"
"That is correct"
"Alright, so if you want to duel him too, you can try to beat his numbers at home. So, you advised me to close all apps first?"
"Yes. that way your ram can flex it's muscles."
"Okay, on 3."
"1..."
"2..."
"3..."
"Oh, I like how it tells you what it's doing." He says with an amused look.
"Almost done. There. 32,156 for multi-core score, and 3600 for single-core score."
"But. I'm only half done! How can thi- So, your iPhone really is magical."
"Haha, yeah I wasn't lying."
"So what else can it do?"
"Well, I enchanted it so that the storage won't be an issue for a while. I made the camera a lot better. And I got rid of my cellphone contract."
"Sounds nifty. Now, your plans are to only make these for yourself?"
"That's correct. I don't want to release it to the world, and then put the entire world under some sort of dark-evil-magic spell."
"Yeah, since you don't exactly know how it works, that would probably be for the better."
"Probably."
"And you probably don't want Apple to try to figure out a way to sue you, right?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that's all for today. Have a good day, people of the world. And good luck improving your phone even more, Jack!"
I shake hands with him, and thank him for having me on.
I drive to the next studio with a smile on my face.
No comments:
Post a Comment